I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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