woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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