wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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