peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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