wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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