Princesses don't give blow jobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
