if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
