i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
