If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
