If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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