When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
