so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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