if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
