It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.