"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
