why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
