dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
