whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
