i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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