She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
