i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
