careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
