Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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(518): View more from New York

i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.

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(970): View more from Colorado

But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"

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(360): View more from Washington

have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips

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(980): View more from North Carolina

Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!

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