i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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