Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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