Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
