actually, I'm a sock model
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
