Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
