Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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