i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
