you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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