I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
