Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
