That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
