Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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