a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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