My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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