Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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