Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
