You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
