You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
