one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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