TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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