We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
