i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
