glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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