WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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