The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
