I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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