I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
