It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
