"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
