dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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