im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
