FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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