The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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