She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
