please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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