Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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