he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
