hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
