there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
