idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
