woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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