the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
