So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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