Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
