everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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