I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
