i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at about main and main street
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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