i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
