we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
