he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
