I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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