just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
