census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
pray to the hookup gods
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
