Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
