She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
People with herpes should wear stickers.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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