So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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